I took the rest of July and most of August as a hiatus, partly spiritual and partly mundane. During that time, I held back from making formal offerings, or doing ritual. I was so paranoid about Doing the Wrong Thing that I ended up doing very little. Did some writing in my spiritual journal, reconnected with my tarot decks and brushed up on reading for myself and for a friend.
During this time I started reviewing my experiences over the past year, and it surprised the heck out of me:
-I’d planned to study Wicca and witchcraft, starting with the elements
-the number of Deities Whose doors I’d been knocking on were more than I’d thought
-tarot still takes practice, but writing about the Daily Draw helps me deepen my understanding
-beginning of my studies into Canaanite mythology and modern polytheism within this pantheon
-mild freak out on trying to Reconstruct everything
-many more vivid dreams (the Deities trying to speak to me?), working on clarity
-and…finally I’m not a very nature-based pagan. (>.>)
I’m not a Pagan that has “an earth-based, nature-based spirituality”. I’m Pagan in that I seek out guidance from deities. I seek right action a lot, and I’m very conscientious of my words because things I say/write tend to occur.
I did receive help and encouragement from the Divine Assembly. Hints that I didn’t need to be completely perfect. And, when I finally mustered up the courage to approach Them again, the sense I got (from ‘Anatu) was my efforts were baby talk to Them. For a whole year and that was as far as I’d gotten? To be honest, it was refreshing. My reaching out must be very simple, but I got the sense of being watched over.